Restoring Dermot Read online

  “Dallas, Tomas, come with me. The men are eating inside today.” Reagan held the door long enough for them to scoot through before entering behind them.

  I had been around these two royal couples all my life. I had watched their families grow. But I never thought I might have the same for myself. Here were two confident mothers that were so unlike my own. They had a relationship with their children and husbands that I had never experienced before. How different my life would have been if I had come from such a family.

  For the first time, I knew without a doubt—this was what I wanted for my future. I wanted a loving relationship with my husband. I wanted our children to have the freedom of familiarity with their parents. Was there even a remote possibility of me having that with Rian?

  Twenty-one

  Rian

  Taking a deep breath of briny air, I looked out over the blue waters of the Moya Ocean with more contentment than I had felt in a long time. Gentle waves rocked the small boat as I sat between Garrett and Reagan with a fishing pole in hand. The hot sun was directly overhead now. I grabbed the edge of my tunic and peeled it off. The gentle breeze blowing across my skin was a relief.

  I glanced over to see Reagan studying my tattoo with a pained look on his face. Was it because I had been branded by a foreign government, or was it something else? He smiled when he noticed me looking at him, but it did not reach his eyes.

  “Good idea. It is hot as blazes out here.” Reagan stripped off his tunic and then resumed fishing. There were matching puckers of skin on his chest and back caused by an arrow that had been ordered by our own father. They were a sick reminder every time I saw them of what could have been the ending result.

  Since my arrival in Aisling, there had been many discussions about the past. My brothers seemed at ease when they discussed what our father had done, but I inwardly cringed each time my parents were mentioned. If it were up to me, I would block that part of our history so that it was never mentioned or even thought of again.

  I turned, sensing movement on the other side of me. Garrett was also stripping his shirt off. The sight of his back caused my heart rate to spike. Ridges of scars crossed his back and shoulders at different angles. It is one thing to hear the tale of how Father had been responsible for the torture and beating of his own son, it was an entirely different feeling to see the evidence still written across Garrett’s skin. I turned away when he caught me staring.

  “You know, I hardly ever think about it anymore.” Garrett’s statement was unexpected.

  I looked back into his pale green eyes that were so like our mother’s. “I do not see how that could be.”

  He shrugged his shoulder. “It happened a long time ago, and I have forgiven him.”

  Every time I thought I was over it, the anger would surge forth. I was a long way from that peace reflected in my brother’s eyes. “You make it sound so easy.”

  “Trust that it was not. It takes time and willingness. It will not happen overnight. Just keep praying, and God will show you the way.”

  Just the day before, Reagan had handed me a couple of journals that had belonged to our father. Reagan had destroyed most of them to keep others from reading the thoughts of the evil man, but said he kept these earlier ones so I could see who my father could have been if he had chosen a different path. He should have burned them all. Coman Barnali did not deserve to be remembered. Yet, there was a sickening desire to devour every word that I could not explain.

  “He does not deserve your forgiveness.” I inwardly winced. I should not have said that out loud.

  I expected judgement from my pious brother, but Garrett only smiled and placed his hand on my shoulder. An unforeseen comfort radiated through me.

  “You are right. He does not deserve forgiveness, but then again, who does? The forgiveness was not for his sake as much as it was for my own healing. I was so bitter toward him and Mother. It was like a disease, eating me up from the inside out. It seeped out into my relationships with Brianna and others. That bitterness came between me and God. I could not even stand my own self. Father may not have deserved my forgiveness, but my family deserved better than my bitterness. I deserved better.”

  I shook my head. “I do not understand how you got to the point where you could ever forgive either one of them.”

  Garret took a deep breath as he stared down at the fishing pole that was now back in his hands. “I talked about it a lot—sometimes in anger and sometimes with tears. I thought about why they did what they did. Reagan allowed me to read those journals that described their life together at the beginning, before things became so twisted. As hard as it is to understand, Father had allowed his hunger for power to eventually take him over, and with Mother, it was her love for her husband. I suppose things like this can happen to anyone who is not following Christ. I prayed a lot, and one day I was finally able to let it go.”

  He turned to look at me then. “The point is, if you ask God to help you, He will guide you down your own path of healing.” He sat quietly for a few minutes as if he were waiting for me to respond, but I had no idea what to say.

  Garrett placed his rod behind him in the boat, stood, and dove into the clear, blue water. He swam off into the distance, and I wondered if he needed a moment alone. For some reason that could not be explained, I wanted to believe that he was not as healed as he claimed.

  I looked over to catch Reagan staring at me. This was the man who had taken my father’s place after his death. I never remembered him showing the kind of anger and bitterness Garrett had described, the same bitterness that was still eating away at me. “Have you forgiven him too?”

  “Yes, but it took me longer than it did Garrett. I thought if I just put it behind me and never thought about the things Father had done, then it would just go away. Things like that have a way of creeping back in on you. I could not seem to get away from it, but I eventually followed in Garrett’s footsteps and feel a lot better about it now.”

  I sat there for a few minutes, staring at the sunlight reflected across the surface of the ocean before making the decision to follow Garrett. I stood and looked down at Reagan. “Are you coming in?”

  There was a glimpse of something that resembled fear as Reagan looked over the side of the boat. “I do not swim.”

  “I can teach you.”

  He tapped the boat’s edge with his fingers. “Garrett has already offered, but I like it just fine here in the boat.”

  “Suit yourself.” I dove off into the cool water, kicking my feet to go deeper.

  Later that evening we paddled out to King’s Island to meet the women. The shore surrounding the castle was studded with large boulders. The only way to maneuver around the protruding land masses was in a small boat and doing so could be quite dangerous during high tide. We pushed to get there before that time.

  This was actually my first visit to the island. My brothers and their wives were known to spend time here during the summer months, but the children had never been allowed. From what I could see from the shore, the island was mostly an outcropping of rocks with a sandy beach and a smaller alcove beside it.

  The women were already there with a fire going closer to the water. All three of them were wearing short tunic-like dresses that ended just above the knee. Adrika’s shapely tanned legs and bare feet stood in contract to the white sand. My pulse quickened.

  Garrett directed us to the rocky ledge on the left of the two beaches next to a boat already tied there. After we anchored our boat, Reagan pulled up our string of fish from the side.

  “Reagan, did you catch all of those fish yourself?” Gwen had been stretched out on the sand near the fire. She stood and began walking our way.

  “Maybe not all, but most. These two spent a good bit of their time in the water rather than the boat. What would it take for you to clean them for me?”

  “You know the drill. You clean them, and I cook them.”

  He held the fish out to the side and used his other a
rm to pull her in for a kiss. Garrett had met Brianna in the middle of the distance between them, kissed her, and then swung her around in his arms. Her laughter rang out across the beach. No one would ever guess the two couples were rulers.

  Adrika still stood next to the fire. She smiled up at me as I came near. Her eyes grew large when I pulled her to me. Any affection we shared usually only happened behind the closed doors of our chambers. I knew what kind of relationship I wanted with my wife and it was about time I shared it with her.

  She tensed when my lips met hers, but then she melted into me. What was meant to be a quick peck turned into a smoldering kiss that made me forget we were not alone.

  “Do not think for a minute that you are going to get out of helping to clean the fish. You can court your bride later.” Reagan’s announcement caused a rosy blush on the face of my wife and laughter from everyone else.

  Garrett and I made short work of preparing the fish while Reagan placed a cage-like structure over the fire and helped the women ready everything for our supper. I could hear their laughter intermingled with the sound of the ocean along with the sea birds that had gathered to take care of the remains of the fish. I was still in awe of the fact that I was even here.

  Once the meal was over, we all sat next to the fire talking. There was a boldness in the way Adrika caressed my arm. She leaned in to ask if I had enjoyed my day and placed a kiss on my neck just below my ear, igniting my thoughts and my blood.

  She had become more relaxed with each passing day. I do not know if it was because she was becoming more at ease with me, or if it was being away from her oppressive father that caused the change. Whatever the case, it had only deepened my feelings for her.

  Later, I followed my brothers around the rocky outcropping to the smaller alcove to prepare for the night. We changed clothing out in the open, then took turns using the weather-beaten latrine that had been built at the very back of the alcove.

  In our absence, the women had spread bedding down in various parts of the sand at the back the beach near the rocks. Garrett, Reagan, and I settled down in our separate pallets while we waited for the women to take their turn. I could not be sure, but the sound of snoring coming from one of my brothers seemed to intermingle with the sound of the waves hitting the shore.

  It had been a long day. I was tired but far from sleepy. My mind replayed everything that had happened this day. I went over the words that had been exchanged with my brothers about our past and my need to forgive our parents. I also relived the comradery we had shared. It was such a wonderful feeling to be back in the presence of my family. I chided myself once again for ever leaving.

  My thoughts had turned to Adrika, wondering how she felt about this trip, when the three women rounded the outcropping. They had gathered their gowns above their knees to keep them dry. They stood there drying their legs with toweling. Even in the dark, it was easy for me to distinguish my wife from the other two. Moonlight gleamed off her shapely, wet calves just before she ran the drying cloth over them.

  She made her way to me and climbed into the make-shift bed. I curled around her like always, but sleep would not claim me. Adrika seemed restless as well. She turned and snuggled closer to me.

  “What is the matter, love, can you not sleep out here in the open?”

  Instead of answering, she began kissing me. Neither one of us would get any sleep like this, but I could not pull away. This was the first time since we said our vows that she had ever shown any kind of affection toward me without me initiating the contact. Despite the fact that my brothers and their wives were only feet away on either side, it was a heady feeling that I was not willing to give up.

  She leaned up and whispered in my ear. “I missed you.”

  I needed to be alone with my wife. I jumped from the bedding, pulling her along with me. We splashed through the briny water to the privacy of the adjacent alcove. I believe it was Reagan’s laughter I heard ringing out across the beach just before we rounded the corner, but it did not bother me in the least.

  Twenty-two

  Adrika

  I missed you. Those three words did not feel like enough. How could I describe my true feelings when I had never felt like this before? What I felt for my husband in that moment . . . well, it almost felt like love. But how was I to know for sure?

  My desires for Rian and our future together only progressed this far because we were in Aisling. The more I was around his family, the more I wanted what they had. I had never experienced this type of freedom before. I wanted to savor every moment of these last few weeks. What if it all ended as soon as we were back in Dermot? I tried not thinking about it.

  Early the next morning, we left everything behind on the island as we paddled out three to a boat. Rian sat between me and Gwen as he manned our vessel, while Garrett paddled the other boat carrying his wife in the front with Reagan in the back. As we raced toward the shoreline behind the castle, Reagan and Gwen shouted taunts to each other along with encouragement to the ones doing the work.

  There was still much laughter when we entered the castle to make our way to the dining chamber for breakfast. We passed Kealan in the great hall. The look on the face of my father’s advisor instantly sobered my mood until Rian pulled me to his side. He smiled at the man as if to dare him into saying something. Kealan’s nose rose into the air as he hurried from the room.

  Most of the children were already enjoying their breakfast in the family dining chamber when we arrived. I prepared my plate from the sidebar and then sat down on the end of the table beside Deidre. Her auburn hair looked as if it had been arranged in an elaborate design the night before and then she had slept on it.

  She caught me looking and placed her hand over mine. “I hope you do not mind, but I made use of your handmaiden in your absence. Kariann has been trying to help me decide how I want to wear my hair to the ball. I just love her! She shows much more talent and imagination than Yvon. Our old nursemaid is fine, but she has her hands full with the boys. I think it is time I had my own handmaiden.” She cut her gaze to the other end of the table where Brianna sat in animated conversation with her two youngest.

  “So, did you have fun?” Deidre turned her attention back to me.

  I did not miss the edge to her voice and facial expression. She had complained several times that she could not understand why she was not allowed to go, and truthfully, I had felt the same until now. I looked down the table to where Rian sat near the middle with little Caitlin in his lap, feeding her a piece of his sweetbread. I placed my hand over my stomach and for the first time felt a twinge of hope that I may already be carrying his child.

  “Yes, we had a lovely time. Maybe later you and I can do something together—just the two of us. It will be like old times.”

  Just then the castle steward came in. He bowed next to Brianna, revealing a thinning spot on the top of his blond head. “Your Highness, I am sorry to interrupt your breakfast, but I wanted to let you know that your first guests have arrived.”

  “Thank you, Austin.”

  Gwen waited until he was gone to speak. “Children, you know what this means. Be on your best behavior as you go about the castle.” She made a point of looking at each of her children. A collective groan sounded from the group.

  Deidre grabbed my hand. The gleam in her eyes did not match the mood of the rest at the table. “I wonder if it is Rowena and her family. She wrote to say they planned to arrive early. Her cousin has been sent from Rivania to live with them and she claims he is quite dishy. Let us go and see. Oh . . .” She covered her mouth with her hand and giggled. “I forgot for a moment that you are a married woman now.”

  And there it was again. That thing that separated me from the only friend I had ever had—probably forever. I looked down the table to where Rian sat talking and laughing with his family, and I could not conjure up the same sadness I had felt upon my first realization of this fact.

  Rian took the seat beside me just after it was
vacated by Deidre. He leaned in closer and ran his fingers down a strip of my tangled hair. “I was just reminded about the ball. I guess you already know it is a masquerade this time. Garrett said he has a suit I could borrow, and Brianna said there will be extra masks available to any guest who may have forgotten to bring one. I can use one of those, but I wanted to know if you have everything you need. I would be happy to take you to the market today. I am told that Session vendors are open as of today. The kingdom will begin filling up now that the meeting is only two weeks away.”

  The way he stroked my hair as he spoke in a tone just above a whisper while he gazed into my eyes was mesmerizing. That is, until I realized what it was he wanted. I leaned closer, hoping no one would be privy to what I was about to say. “Father does not allow us to make purchases outside of Dermot.”

  No matter where Session was held, those in the royal families could purchase from any vendor without the exchange of coins. The vendors knew they would be paid at the end of each week. I had never been allowed this privilege outside of Dermot.

  He stiffened his back, as well as his lips. The smoldering look from before was replaced with a glare. I dropped my gaze to my hands in my lap. The same old tension I had felt before our arrival reared its ugly head, reminding me that I would never be truly free from my father’s grasp and neither would Rian.

  He lifted my chin with the touch of his fingers and leaned in, placing a soft kiss on my lips. “No worries. I still have money from my days as a soldier. We can use that for now.”

  “I will speak with Kariann to see if there is a need.”

  “Very good.” He drew closer to whisper in my ear. “There is sand in my britches.”

  I covered my mouth to stifle a laugh.

  He took my hand in his and rubbed my fingers between his. “I am going up to our room for a bath. Would you like to come with me?”

  “I will check with Kariann. Then I will join you.”