Restoring Dermot Page 17

  “We engaged in a physical relationship that should not have been. Maybe that was more my fault than yours, but I am sure my leaving without a word was the worst of my sins toward you. I knew you cared for me, but I was too young and broken to deal with such emotion at that time. I know I hurt you deeply, and for that, I am truly sorry.”

  A shudder ran through her shoulders, and I wondered if she was crying. “And if I should tell you that you left me with child, what would you say? Do you believe your words would be enough then?”

  My breath left me, and it seemed as if my blood suddenly turned to ice. It was all I could do to press the words past the tightening of my throat. “Is that true?”

  She turned to look at me. She was not crying but her brows and lips were drawn. “No. It is not, but I . . .”

  Gemma stopped speaking. I could only feel relief after hearing that one word. She was looking over my shoulder now, and I turned to see who had approached at my back. Adrika stood with her arms crossed, her expressionless face somehow conveyed sadness. She slowly turned and walked away without saying a word.

  I turned back to Gemma. “I have done all I can here. I have apologized, and I can only hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me.”

  I left before she could say more and hurried after my wife. I caught up to Adrika just before she made it to the steps leading up to the front entrance of the castle. She did not look my way. Her back was stiff when I placed my hand there, but at least she did not pull away.

  “Please, walk with me into the garden.” She did not respond, but when I turned toward the other side of the castle, she moved with me. We entered through the gate and meandered through the mazelike grounds until we came to a private spot—a bench under the shade of a pin oak tree. We sat side by side, me looking at her while she stared straight ahead.

  Surprisingly, she was the first to speak. “Did you love her?”

  “No, I did not.” I turned and stared ahead of me as well. Maybe it was better that we did not look at each other for this conversation.

  Adrika took a deep breath. “When you told me about your past lovers, I did not realize at least one of them lived here in Kearnley. I thought . . .” She swallowed hard. “I thought all of that happened after you were in Rivania.”

  “Gemma was my first . . . she is the only one in this country. We were too young, and I knew her feelings for me were stronger than mine for her. It was one of my many reasons for leaving. I am not proud of what I have done. I promise I did not seek her out, but when I happened upon her at the practice arena, it became obvious that my long-ago actions were affecting her still. I only wanted to make amends.” I leaned forward, and allowed my head to rest in the palms of my hands. I had been a coward and worse. Not only had my past sins hurt others like Gemma, but now they were interfering with the present. They were hurting my wife.

  “So I heard. Do you plan to speak with her again?”

  I turned to look at Adrika. “No. I apologized. That is all I can do.”

  “I suppose I would be helpless to stop you if you should decide differently, so what does it matter?” She made to rise and I took hold of her wrist, stopping her flight.

  “You are my wife, and I . . .” I studied her deep brown eyes that were now turned toward me. I had been about to say and I love you. I never wanted those words to leave my mouth if they were not true, and at this moment, I was not sure. Besides, this was not the place nor time to say it for the first time.

  “I took my vows to you seriously. Whatever was between me and Gemma is over. Really, it has been for over ten years. You have nothing to worry about.” I pulled her hand up to my lips and kissed her knuckles. I placed my next kiss on the inside of her elbow. I tugged her closer and placed kisses along her collarbone. “Do you trust me?”

  Her fingers were cool against my skin as she ran them around my neck and through the hair at the back of my neck. She did not make a sound as her lips found mine, but then, that was all the answer I needed.

  Twenty-four

  Adrika

  Rian had a way of distracting me from my true feelings. Anger, uncertainty, shyness, all dissipated with just a touch from his fingertips. We had been married for only six weeks and my head and heart were full of him.

  It was the night of the ball—our last evening before the seriousness of the Session meetings set in. I watched in the mirror as Kariann arranged a couple of loose curls to hang over my bare shoulder that she had dusted with a glittery powder. The dark purple dress Gwen had designed for me fit my form perfectly before flaring out from my hips.

  This was the first time I wore a dress that made me feel like a woman instead of a child, one that had not been previously worn by my mother. How could an article of clothing make me feel so . . . empowered? I smiled and then turned away from the blush shown on my reflection as I anticipated Rian seeing me in this dress for the first time.

  Kariann was just fitting my mask over my face when Deidre came hurrying through the door. “Are you about ready? Uncle Rian and Uncle Reagan just headed down stairs with Daddy.” The girl bit her bottom lip, her brows drawn. “You look fabulous, and I am jealous.” She never was one to hide her feelings, but any bad humor always seemed to pass quickly.

  “You have nothing to be jealous of. I love your outfit and your beauty is effortless. It took forever for Kariann to make me look this way.”

  “I love what she did to your hair. Mine is so . . . juvenile.” She grabbed the end of one of her long curls and twisted it between her fingers. She had been pouting ever since her mother had put a stop to her playing dress-up with my handmaiden. I really did not mind the time they spent together, but it was not up to me. Brianna was her mother.

  I stood and reached for her hand before she twisted the life right out of that curl. “I think this still suits what you are wearing better than if it were pinned up.”

  Her auburn tresses draped around the feathers on each side of her mask and framed her heart-shaped face perfectly. Feathers also protruded from her red, pin-striped bustier, giving her an angelic look. Small, metal cogs were sewn at the top of each gathering in her brown skirt. It was a youthful-looking outfit, which was exactly as an unmarried fifteen-year-old should appear.

  It only took a couple of compliments to coax a smile from her, and then we headed down the servants’ staircase. The whole point of a masquerade was to add an element of mystery. This could not be accomplished if Rian saw me coming down the main stairs. The servants’ stairway let out just inside the kitchen door.

  As we entered the great hall, I could see Brianna and Gwen coming down the stairs on the other side of the room. Brianna must have been the most spectacularly dressed female at the ball with her dress covered in layers of golden ruffles and lace shimmering in the candle light, but Gwen was a close second with her train of peacock feathers. Both queens were greeted by their mates at the bottom of the stairs.

  I could not hold back my giggle at the sight of Rian looking up the staircase, anticipating my arrival. I grabbed Deidre’s arm and pulled her closer so I could whisper into her ear. “Go ask Rian to dance, and if he says he is waiting for me, tell him I am already on the dancefloor.” A giddiness bubbled up inside of me as she quickly made her way across the floor.

  Now, I just needed to find a dance partner before Rian came looking for me. This would be no problem without the mask. As the princess of Dermot, I was normally paired for every dance, but dressed as I was, no one would know to ask me. I looked around the room and found that my options seemed to be plentiful. I had caught the eye of several men who were standing on the outskirts of the dancefloor and a couple of them walked towards me. Maybe I was not as anonymous in this mask as I had expected.

  For over an hour, I was passed from one partner to the next without a break. My feet were killing me. As I was being whirled around the room by a man dressed in all silver with a metal mask, I was already planning to escape the ballroom for a moment of respite. A
t least this one was quiet. Most of the others had flirted boldly, choosing to completely ignore the emerald betrothal ring on my left hand.

  I was seriously rethinking the appeal of this masquerade. Where was Rian? I had thought he would have claimed me for a dance by now. Did I truly look so altered that he could not recognize me? Or maybe he was avoiding me on purpose. The image of the blond I caught him with out in the stables came to mind. Were they off somewhere together? Studying the outskirts of the dancefloor, I tried to make out my husband’s image among the throng.

  I momentarily lost my footing. My partner pulled me closer to keep us both from tumbling across the floor. “I am so sorry, Madame. Am I moving too fast? We can certainly slow down.”

  “No, it was entirely my fault.” We had slowed, and he was still holding me closer than was proper. He let go when I pulled away as the song ended.

  A hand to my shoulder had me turning to my next potential partner with every intention of denying him a dance, but even before I was fully turned, I recognized the deep voice, so close I could feel his breath on my neck. “May I have this dance?”

  “Rian.” His name came out like a sigh, and I almost fell into his arms in relief. I was thankful for the slow song that allowed him to hold me close with his cheek pressed against mine.

  “I finally get to dance with the most beautiful woman in the room. I have been watching. You are very popular tonight.”

  Surely, I had received no more notice than any other woman on this night. They may not entirely ring true, but his compliments thrilled me like none other.

  “If this dance should be interrupted, meet me on the balcony when it is over.”

  “I am afraid my husband may not approve of such a tryst.”

  His deep-throated laughter sent tingles across my heated skin. He leaned close enough that I thought he might kiss me here in view of any who may be looking. “If he should happen to catch us together, I am ready for the challenge.”

  His smile faded as he turned to the man standing behind him. The gentleman’s mask was in the shape of a wolf’s head and covered most of his face. His words were carried away by the noise around us, but there was no doubt to his intentions when Rian bowed over my hand and turned away.

  My fatigue returned as soon as Rian left. I was already anticipating our rendezvous when my new dance partner spoke, sending chills down my spine.

  “I have missed you, Rika.”

  “Brett.” I had not meant to whisper his name. Brett Eveny was the last person I expected to see here. I had not seen him since he left Dermot two years before with a false promise to return and ask for my hand in marriage.

  “So, you do remember me. I hope more comes to mind than just my name when you think of me.” He ran one finger around my jaw until it stopped in the middle of my lips.

  I jerked away from him. “Do not touch me.”

  “As I recall, that was not your sentiment the last time we were together.” His lips curved up into a sardonic smile as he ran a finger up my bare arm. This man who had broken my heart and stolen my innocence was now mocking me?

  I whirled away from him and searched the room until I gained my bearings. I headed toward the open balcony doors. I stopped just before the exit and took a deep breath. Rian was probably already waiting for me. While this thought brought me comfort, I did not want my husband to see that I was upset—especially not over the actions of another man. Hopefully, Brett had gotten the picture, and I would never see him again.

  The narrow balcony was surprisingly empty. I slowly followed the path around the curve of the castle until I came just within the circle of light cast off by one of the lit torches. I wanted to be away from the doorway but still close enough that Rian would see me as soon as he stepped out.

  Leaning on the balustrade, I looked out in the direction of the ocean. Everything was dark except for the crescent moon and its reflected highlights across the water. The salty breeze lifted the curls on my shoulder causing them to dance and twirl. I took another deep breath and let it out along with the tension that had built up.

  I had pined for Brett for too long after he abandoned me. I blamed my father for the lack of his return. I had even blamed myself. But after seeing the smirk on Brett’s face tonight and with the disturbing way he touched me, for the first time I was glad we were no longer together. I had Rian now, and he was everything Brett would never be.

  I turned at the sound of heavy footsteps coming from the ballroom, expecting to see Rian but finding Brett instead. He pushed the wolf mask to the top of his head and smiled as he continued my way.

  I backed around to the other side of the torch but stopped where its light ended. I held my hand up in front of me. “Do not come any closer.”

  “I just wanted to apologize, Princess. I behaved badly, and I am sorry. Please forgive me.”

  My body relaxed a bit. This soft-spoken man was the one I remembered. This was the one I had been in love with. I could never go back to that, but maybe this was a time for closure so I could finally put Brett in my past where he belonged and leave him there for good. “You have changed so much. You never would have said or done those things to me before.”

  He ducked his head and smiled. “I am truly sorry. You are right. I have changed.”

  I tensed when he stepped closer, but he only leaned on the balustrade next to me and looked out toward the dark ocean. “I fear having to go on these last couple of years without the woman I love has hardened me. I have missed you so.”

  “Why did you not return for me?” I hated the tone of my own voice. All the hurt I had felt over his abandonment sounded itself out in that one question.

  He turned and looked at me. “Your father threatened my life. Did you know that?”

  I shook my head. I could guess it now, but back then I thought my father had been clueless of my misdeeds.

  He took a step closer and was facing me now. “I never stopped loving you. I would give anything to be with you still.”

  He touched the side of my face, and I jerked away. “I am married now.”

  “But does he love you?”

  I looked down at the flickering light reflected on the balcony floor. Rian and I had a good life together, but he had never told me that he loved me.

  “Rika.”

  I looked up at the whisper of my name. Brett’s face leaned toward mine, and I pulled back. He grabbed me by the waist and tugged me toward him. He turned so that I was trapped between him and the rail behind me. He kissed my jaw as I struggled to get away.

  “Let go. Stop. Let me go, Brett.” My breath came in short sputters as panic set in.

  How far would he take this? I was helpless to stop him. My only hope was for someone to come this way before it was too late. If only Rian had met me out here like he said he would. Where was he now when I needed his protection?

  Twenty-five

  Rian

  I had spent the first hour at the ball looking for Adrika, expecting to find her wearing the beaded dress I had seen hanging in our chambers when we first arrived in Aisling. The rest of my time had been spent in dreaded small-talk and welcome-backs from those who had known my father. Some only wanted to satisfy their curiosity as to where I had been for the last ten years. Every time I thought myself free from this personal type of torment, I would be stopped by another.

  And then I suddenly recognized my wife, and everything around me faded away. Admittedly, the woman in the purple dress had quite often caught my eye, but I never dreamed it was her. If only I had paid more attention to her features before now, I could have been with her sooner. I watched as she whirled around the outskirts of the dancefloor in the arms of another man. I had always thought her beautiful, but tonight she was stunning.

  “I need to go dance with my wife.”

  “Oh . . . all right . . .”

  I had cut the man off in midsentence and could not care less. I did not even look at him as I headed for the dancefloor. Weaving in between dance
rs, I came upon her and her partner just before the next song began. Finally, I held her in my arms, thankful for the slower song that followed. Adrika wore a smile on her face, but I could see the weariness behind her expression. She had no doubt been on the dancefloor from the beginning. Surely every man in the room would want to dance with her and half probably already had.

  My reasons for inviting her out on the balcony were two-fold. As soon as our dance was interrupted, I headed that way. I took a deep breath of ocean air as soon as I exited the ballroom. I needed to decompress after being around so many people. I would never take this night away from Adrika, but I was almost tempted to talk her into leaving early and going up to our room. Nothing would make me happier than being alone with just the two of us.

  The castle at Aisling was made up of a collection of cylinder towers. I walked on around to the end of the balcony where this tower met the next. Deep in thought, I leaned my elbows on the rail before me. This was a perfect night to tell Adrika how I felt about her.

  I would start by taking her in my arms and kissing her soundly. Then I would tell her of all the ways I found her attractive. This would lead nicely into me telling her how I had come to love her. Maybe after that, she would be the one to suggest we leave the ballroom and head to our chambers. My mind moved on to the future. What will our children look like? How many would we have?

  Adrika. She was probably looking for me, and I had lost track of time with my woolgathering. I could hear someone just ahead as I made my way back toward the entrance. As I neared the light of the last torch, the couple came into view. Some man had Adrika against the balustrade. Her back was arched over the railing as she pushed against his chest, and her head was turned away from him.

  All thought left me as I ran. I jerked him around to face me. All the force of my instant anger powered my fist as it hit his jaw. His head thumped against the top of the baluster as he crumpled to the floor. The wolf mask bounced off the castle wall and spun around on the balcony floor.