Restoring Dermot Read online

  I studied my pale face in the mirror for a moment. My eyes seemed larger than normal. I looked scared. Why was I so nervous? There had been many encounters with women in the past that went further than I would ever allow this one to go. So why were my palms sweaty and my mouth dry? Because all my former encounters had been casual. I had never been worried about God’s plan for my life before, or with trying to conduct myself in a way that would be pleasing to Him. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.

  When I stepped back out into the hallway, my guard was the only person in view. I tried to make eye contact, but it was as if the conversation we had outside of this castle truly had never happened. I took another fortifying breath, then stepped next door and knocked.

  Adrika’s nursemaid answered the door. She refused to look at me as well, but she did nod her head in recognition. I suddenly realized this was part of their training—this woman, the servants, the guards, and even the princess had been taught not to look directly at the king or any other man above their station. I, on the other hand, had a hard time trusting someone who would not look me in the eye.

  The nursemaid stepped back into the room and was immediately replaced with Princess Adrika. She nearly took my breath away. She was the picture of health and beauty. In my mind, there was no one past or present that would compare to the woman before me. My reaction surprised me. Yet, it did not stop me from drinking in every detail—the outfit, her slightly parted lips, the shiny black curls on top of her head, the accentuated curves. But it was the vulnerability showing in her doe-brown eyes that arrested my gaze. Had I put that look there or had the king?

  Shaking myself from my musings, I presented my elbow for her to take. “My Lady, may I escort you to the library?”

  She took my arm without a word, and we started down the hallway. A door shut behind us. I glanced over my shoulder expecting to see Damini and the guard trailing after us, but neither were there.

  I spent more time looking at her profile than I did the direction we were headed, trying to find just the right words to say. I should have complimented her while we were standing in her doorway. Did she realize how desirable she was? She glanced over at me for the first time, and it felt as if my heart had taken wing. I took a deep breath, inhaling her flowery scent which only increased my attraction.

  Get it together, Rian. Say something. Anything.

  “You are a very beautiful woman, but you look particularly gorgeous today.” Did that sound as awkward as I felt?

  “I know you do not like makeup. I tried to get them to leave it off, but . . .”

  “But, they had orders from the king.”

  Adrika nodded. Judging by the look on her face, she was not happy with the current situation, and I knew I was partially to blame. “I fear I was too harsh last night. Just to be clear, it was not the makeup that bothered me. It was the manipulation.”

  We arrived at our destination sooner than I expected. General Cormac stood sentry outside the library door. It was not much of a surprise that King Farris’ top man would be the one guarding me on this outing with his daughter. Once we stepped through the doors of the library, he shut the door behind us. The sound of his receding footfalls could be heard on the other side.

  It did not take long to notice the library was deserted but for the two of us. We stepped further into the room and the scene before me caused the hair to rise on the back of my neck. Princess Adrika’s hand began to tremble against my arm, and I covered it with my own.

  All the furniture had been pushed back against the walls. Blankets and pillows were spread in front of the fireplace with the only light coming from the blaze there. Baskets of food were lined up on one side of the blanket, but dining did not seem to be the main purpose of this meeting.

  Surely the king did not expect us to . . .

  “Father expects . . .” I turned toward the princess upon hearing her stark whisper. She was frozen in place, staring at the scene before us with tears pooling in her eyes.

  “Look at me.” She turned toward me, but her gaze never made it past my chest. I touched her chin gently with the tips of my fingers. Her lashes fluttered before she slowly looked up into my eyes. I had the strongest urge to pull her to me, to comfort her, and assure her that everything was all right. “I can see what your father has planned, but you have nothing to worry about.” My tone was firm and hopefully conveyed my trustworthiness.

  Her gaze dropped down to my lips. Was she attracted to me too, or was she just thinking about the king’s expectations and where they would lead? I was having a hard time myself not thinking about what this day would hold if I just went along with his plan for now.

  The king’s plot would force me into an unwanted marriage with his daughter. But more than that, if I allowed my own lustful nature to be the deciding factor, it would be disappointing to God. This thought firmed my resolve. My desire to never go back to a life without Him outweighed my sinful desires for the moment.

  I took a step back to open the library door. The hallway was empty. Adrika still stood where I had left her. I took her by the hand, causing her to look up at me once again. “I did not come here with you because the king ordered it. I want to get to know you, nothing more.”

  She did not say anything. There was no resistance when I took her by the hand and led her over to sit in one of the loveseats next to the wall. I placed a table in front of it and lit some candles. I began picking up the baskets of food.

  “Here, allow me.” I had not even heard her walk across the room. She tried to take the baskets from my hand. Instead, I told her to grab the two left on the floor. If we did end up together, I would have my work cut out for me getting her to give up her subservient ways.

  There was silence as we each added food to our plates. If someone quizzed me later about the food, I would fail the test. My mind was going over my personal list of qualifications for a wife. My intentions were to find out if the princess stood up to my standards before this meeting ended.

  I caught myself staring at her profile as she bit into a red grape, as if it were too large to eat in one bite. She glanced at me and then set her plate on the table in front of her. I had been thinking of a way to start the conversation in a tactful way, but it was beyond me.

  “Go ahead, eat. It is just . . . we need to talk . . . and . . .” Deep breath, Rian. Just spit it out. “Look, you should know, I value honesty above all else. I know your father wants us to end up married. I do not know why he is going about it in such a way as this.” I gestured toward the pallet still laid out by the fire. “I am giving thought to this proposal, but if we end up together, it will only be because God wills it to be so. It is not up to the king. Do you understand?”

  She looked at me with brows drawn before looking back down at her hands folded in her lap. “I believe I do.”

  I abandoned my food on the table and scooted closer to place my hand over hers. “Can you be open and honest with me while we work this out?”

  She looked back up at me. “I will do my best, Prince Rian.”

  I wondered if I could believe her. Somehow the feisty girl from the terrace outside of her room seemed a more honest version of herself than the subdued princess beside me. “Last night . . . was that your idea or your father’s?”

  She looked away and the side of her face blazed a deep rose. “He told me to do whatever it takes. I had no choice. If this does not work out, he plans to let my uncle find me a husband from Cordelia.” A visible shiver shook her slight frame. It was obvious why she would not find this prospect appealing. I had the urge to propose right then for no other reason than to protect her from such an unsavory future.

  I touched the side of her neck to get her to look at me. I could feel the rapid beating of her pulse against my fingertips. None of my past lovers had ever worn such a look of defenselessness. This woman was a princess. It did not seem right that she, of all people, would live in this cage of her father’s creation. I wanted to set her free and h
ad to remind myself once again that it was God’s will I was seeking here, not my own.

  “Forget that this is entirely your father’s idea. Are you attracted to me in the least? Be honest.”

  She timidly studied my face for a moment, and it felt as if someone had placed a band around my chest. I wanted her desire to match my own.

  She turned away with a half-smile on her face. “I would be lying if I said I was not.”

  I took a deep breath and my gaze dropped down to her perfectly shaped lips. If I pulled her to me, would she turn away? I let my hand drop to my lap. “Are you a Christian, Princess?”

  She seemed confused by the question. I realized then that it seemed an abrupt change of subject. Of course, she could not see the list in my head. Was she attracted to me? Check. Was there any chance she would even want me for a spouse? Even though I hated her reason—I was better than the alternative, there was still a check. Was she a Christian? . . .

  “Of course, I am. We have a chapel outside the castle, and I have attended almost every week for my entire life.”

  Check

  “I am too, but only for about the last year.”

  We resumed eating in silence for a few moments. I wished for more from her, though I understood why she remained silent.

  “Is there anything you would like to ask me? You must be curious about my time away from Kearnley.”

  She seemed to think about it. “I know you were a soldier. Do you miss that life?”

  I thought about my family and everything I had missed in exchange for an empty, meaningless life in a war-ravaged country to which I did not belong. My regret over those wasted years was great. “Not at all. I had no choice really but to fight. I have never seen the need for senseless violence. Do not mistake me, Princess, I would defend my country and those I love without hesitation, but that is not the way it was in Rivania. There, it is every man against each other. I do not even know why I stayed for so long.”

  “Could it have been . . . was there someone there that you loved?” She glanced up at me and then quickly averted her eyes. How much should I tell her?

  “I had lovers, but I have never been in love. The closest I ever came to love was not real for her or for me. It ended badly but it did lead me to a relationship with Christ. I am not proud of this. I wish I could tell you that my life was pure up until this point. That is not the case. God has forgiven me for my past sins, but I certainly do not expect that same forgiveness from anyone else.”

  For once, I was the one looking down at my lap as I spoke. I looked up when I felt her hand cover mine. She had moved close with her face now inches from my own. “Prince Rian, I will not condemn you for your past, and I ask the same from you.”

  I was mesmerized by the lighter streaks in her dark brown eyes. Placing my hand on her cheek, I used my thumb to brush away a few stray crumbs from the corner of her mouth. Her skin was so smooth. Barely touching her, I ran my thumb across her bottom lip. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.

  There was only one more test I could think of that would help me to know if we were compatible or not. I was pretty sure I already knew the answer, but that did not stop me from confirming my thoughts. I slowly lowered my lips toward hers, giving her a chance to move away. Her lids fluttered open a couple of times as she tilted her face up closer to mine.

  I closed my eyes as I pressed a gentle kiss to her lips that quickly became more passionate. Placing my hand on her waist, I pulled her against me. There was no resistance from her. My past experiences ignited my desire and the image of the pallet waiting only a few feet from us burned itself into my mind’s eye. She placed her hand on my chest. I could tell it was not an act of pushing me away, but it worked to bring my mind back where it belonged. I reluctantly pulled away.

  She was breathing heavily through swollen lips, and her eyes were dilated and full of longing. My question had been answered. She was physically attracted to me, and I definitely was to her. I believed we could make a marriage work, but would it please God? I pulled her hand that had somehow become entwined with mine up to my lips and kissed the back of it.

  Everything about this meeting had seemed so right—everything except for her father’s part in it. As we sat there looking at each other in those few moments, a part of me wanted to pull her in for another kiss, but the other, more logically thinking, part of me was there working in the background. I had not gone into this blindly. I had prayed before and during our conversation. Everything I had been looking for was right here before me, and I felt at peace.

  I stood, and she arose as well with a questioning look. “I need to go speak with your father.”

  “Oh . . . all right.”

  I gave her a chaste peck on the lips and then another that was not as innocent as the last. I could not seem to resist. “I had a wonderful time. I sincerely hope to see you again before the day is done. Would that be acceptable?”

  She only nodded. I gave her another peck—on the cheek this time. I no longer trusted myself with her lips.

  I did not look back as I quickly made my way out the door and down the hallway toward the king’s chambers. I had never seen him in the dining hall for the noon meal so I hoped I would find him there. My praying started up again, seemingly of its own accord.

  Lord, if this is not meant to be, show me. I searched my mind but still felt I was headed in the right direction. If this is not your will, send someone to intervene. Stop me before I get there. General Cormac stood beside the chamber door. I waited for the intervention, but he did not even look at me or acknowledge my presence in any way. I took a deep breath as I gazed upon the large, ornate door leading to King Farris’ chambers. Dear Savior, if I am on the wrong path, send me a sign. Let him be absent from these chambers.

  I knocked and a servant quickly opened the door as if I was expected. “I came to speak to King Farris. Is he here?”

  “Wait right . . .”

  “Servant, allow him to enter.”

  The brusqueness of his voice made me cringe. I hated the way Farris treated those under him. As if this servant, who probably came in contact with the king on a daily basis, was not significant enough for his name to be remembered.

  The man moved to the side, and I stepped into the room with the general right behind me. The king did not even look up from his dinner. “Well, that was over soon. Then again, according to you, it has been a long time since you had . . . a dining partner.”

  He glanced up at me then, and I wanted to knock the smirk from his face. His implication sickened me. I had met some vile people along the way. My own father had murdered his own son and tortured another. But having known King Farris for my entire life, I had never expected this. He used to dote on his only child. When had that changed?

  My words came out clipped through my tightened jaw. “Despite your efforts, we only ate and talked.”

  The king’s lip curled into a sneer. “So, you say.”

  “I know you mean to trap me into marrying your daughter, but that will not be necessary. I have not proposed to her yet, but I came to ask for her hand in marriage—which is only proper, even if you have forgotten how your daughter should be treated.”

  He suddenly stopped cutting into his food and glared up at me. I half expected to feel General Cormac’s staff against my legs.

  “Then there is no need to wait then, is there?” The defiant stare never ceased as the king clapped his hands together. “Go find my daughter.”

  Ten

  Adrika

  I ran my fingertips across my sensitive lips as I watched Rian take long strides away from me. The only other man that had touched his lips to mine had been Brett. His had consisted of soft pecks placed in between whispers of endearment as he gradually talked me into doing things I wish I had never done. Most of those had not landed on my lips.

  In contrast, Rian’s kiss was full of tenderness and restrained passion. It was unexpected, but everything about this meeting had been. Including
, him leaving to go see my father. What was that about?

  Uncle Galik came storming through the open door. I jerked my hand down from my lips and placed it in my lap. His brows were bunched over his dark, glaring eyes. I quickly averted my gaze, unfortunately it landed on to his white-knuckled fists. Despite my fear, I stood and curtsied as he drew nearer. In Kearnley you were only expected to bow to the king, but it was demanded by every man in Cordelia, no matter what his rank or relation.

  “What is the meaning of this? Have you brought shame and dishonor to your family with your wanton ways?” He gestured toward the pallet laid out on the floor.

  “No, Uncle. I have not.” Unless he counted the kisses I had received . . . or my past.

  “I am told you were alone in this room with that man, and then I come in to find your lovers’ bed spread out on the floor. Why should I believe you?” The fury in his eyes was unmistakable.

  My gaze traveled up to the buttons on his chest. “We sat here on the couch and ate and talked. That is all. My father set this up.”

  It felt necessary to remind him that I was under my father’s control. If I was under my uncle’s command instead and he had learned of my past sins, he would demand my death. My palms were sweating just thinking of those consequences, but I kept my hands folded in front of me, hoping he would not see my fear.

  He took a deep breath and seemed to relax. “Daughter, let us sit and talk for a while.”

  Father hated when he called me that. It was another custom of my mother’s homeland. Women were referred to as daughter no matter what the relationship. I sat back down on the very edge of the sofa as he sat beside me.

  “You know I would never ask you to defy your father, but he is getting up in age. Some men start to . . . well, lose their ability to think.” Fake contrition laced his words. “This is the only explanation I can come up with as to why your father would set up something like this.” He gestured toward the pallet again. “His condition is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, we honor these men in our country. But we do not follow their lead, and we do not allow them to rule.”